


i step on the brakes to get out of her clutches

by spheeris1



Category: Orange is the New Black
Genre: Angst, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-25
Updated: 2014-08-25
Packaged: 2018-02-14 14:42:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 703
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2195700
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spheeris1/pseuds/spheeris1
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>one-shot :: Piper POV :: post-breakup :: Piper plays at pretending while drunk and remembering.</p>
            </blockquote>





	i step on the brakes to get out of her clutches

/ /

Piper doesn't talk about it much, only to nod her head in agreement with whatever Polly says – down another shot, reapply the lipstick, and face the nighttime as a single woman again. Piper doesn't think about it much, only as the hours drag on and the lights become too bright as they flash before her inebriated eyes – stumbling into bed, shoes off but the rest of her clothes remain, and a voice whispers into her ear... all the way from another country, all the way from another time...

/ / 

_“Sorry I'm late.”_

_And the wine tastes bitter, but that's just emotion swimming with the red along her tongue – the one she is biting, the one she is holding – and Alex looks so tired, so worn down with everything, bag slipping to the floor like it weighs hundreds of pounds._

_They were supposed to go exploring, to dig into old books and eat too much and run around these streets after midnight. They were supposed to be about the pleasure only, weren't they?_

_Alex reads her expression, lips drifting from weary to annoyed, and Piper shrugs off this familiar apology, like she has so many times lately._

_“C'mon, Pipes... don't do this, not tonight...”_

_But, really, it is technically tomorrow. It is hovering around one in the morning and the bottle on the table is near to empty and, suddenly, Piper catches a glimpse of herself from a distance and she looks like her goddamn mother – glass held aloft, air of aloofness warring with aggravation, judgmental like only a WASP-y girl can be._

_“Do what? I'm not doing a damn thing, Alex.”_

_And normally they go a few rounds, complete with cutting remarks and hurt feelings, and Alex will shut herself off with her laptop and Piper will toss and turn in a bed meant for two – too much space after months of sharing and the emptiness seems to swallow her whole._

_But Piper watches as Alex simply shakes her head, giving up the fight without throwing a single punch, and Piper doesn't know what to do with an Alex that looks so fucking defeated._

_And so she stares silently, just a blonde-haired statue standing in the room while Alex drops unceremoniously onto the couch, while Alex removes her glasses and rubs at her eyes, while Alex's hands subtly tremble with some kind of fear that Piper is afraid to acknowledge because then she'd have to acknowledge everything else that is going on, too._

_“Can you be pissed off at me later, please?”_

_The question is directed almost to the floor, Alex's head hanging forward, and Piper feels all this childish anger, all this wife-like dissatisfaction, start to turn sour deep down in her gut, and once Alex's eyes finally find her – glorious in their vulnerability, piercing her resolve without even trying – Piper is already laying down her arms, the two of them forfeiting in this war of their own making._

_“...Okay. Later then...”_

_But Piper's voice is soft, softer than maybe it should be, and Alex's body is unfurling in her embrace, trust given when maybe it should be held back, and it's been a long, long time since Piper has been the one guiding, the one peeling back the shirts and pulling off the pants, the one parting the legs and diving between them._

_It's been a long, long time, and there is a desperation for something that neither of them can admit, there is a yearning for something that neither of them can say aloud, and yet if Piper were to give it a name right now... now as their bruised lips brush against each other, now as their knees bend and as their hips roll..._

_...right now, Piper would name it 'forever.'_

/ /

Piper doesn't talk about it much, doesn't think about it much, and she downs another shot and she braves these bright fucking lights and she fixes up her lipstick and touches up her mascara and she listens to Polly talk about marriage like it solves everything and she pretends that this bed isn't too damn big now, she pretends that there isn't someone missing from her life now...

...right now, Piper pretends that 'forever' was never an option.

/ /

**(end)**

**Author's Note:**

> title is a lyric from 'new amsterdam' by elvis costello & the attractions


End file.
